The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (sp?). I’m reading Youth in Revolt and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy right now. Tried to pick up A Game of Thrones. Can’t quite get into it. I’ll try again later.
I’ve decided that I’m gonna be one of those parents who names all of their children with the same starting letter (with my wife’s consent of course). Right now, I think I’ve settled on the letter A for girls:
Annabelle (or just Anna)
I can’t find that many A names for boys that I like. I’m gonna try C for the boys:
Today was a pretty ok day at school. Finished my piano assignments and my stats test wasn’t too hard. I just need to find a new table to eat at. I hate the people I eat with.
Pedram’s birthday is coming up. Since I’m probably the least busy of the group, I guess I’ll pick up the group present tomorrow. I’ll probably register for GenCon 2010 tomorrow too. It’s gonna be off the hook. I know you’re jealous.
I’m thinking of reinstalling The Sims 2 on my computer and documenting my family’s daily experiences. Some really crazy stuff happens in that game. For example, I moved a family into a house and sent one of the guys out to get the paper. As he was walking back to the house, a satellite fell out of the sky and killed him. I probably stared at the screen for 2 minutes after that not knowing how to respond to what had just happened.
Oh for the record, my drama has been resolved. Well, not really resolved. I’m just way too forgiving. And I’m too much of a coward to bring confrontation. But I haven’t forgotten. I feel a little pathetic because part of the reason I decided to forgive her was because I need to keep the possibility of a prom date. She’s HORRRIBLY boring to go to dances with though. The past two dances I’ve been to have been the most fun dances of my high school experience and she wasn’t a part of either of them.
I’m really enjoying having a laptop. The fact that I can be typing this up from the warmth of my bed gives me such joy. I fall asleep watching netfix movies on this thing a lot now. Right now, it’s just a basic MacBook Pro, but I’m sure once I enroll in a college and I download all the sweet freeware, this thing is gonna be badass to the max. Oh and I need to get more skype friends. :/
I always forget the second verse to that song when I play it too! My first “performance” I guess would sadly be when I had to change the lyrics to Bright Eyes’ “At The Bottom of Everything” so it would fit the requirements for a 9th grade English project. That was pretty horrible. Then, that same day after school, I played “Disarm” by Smashing Pumpkins for my school bus. Not as bad, but still pretty embarrassing.
“The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories that it has come to be disbelieved. Few people dare say nowadays that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet that is the way love begins, and only that way. The rest is only the rest, and comes afterwards. Nothing is more real than the great shocks that two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.”—Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
I realized today that my whole life, I’ve felt like a third wheel. For some reason, I feel it now more than ever. I can’t remember a moment in life where I felt like I really belong. In fact, I can’t even tell you if I’ve ever had someone I could call my best friend. I’ve never known what that’s like. It’s like all of the socially awkward moments in life escaped and synthesized and formed me.
It probably sounds like I’m pitying myself right now, and I admit, I am to some degree. But it’s also something that I desperately want to change in myself. I want to be able to call someone and go get lunch with them and just hang around like people are supposed to. I’ve already wasted too many years of my life by myself that I’ve grown annoyed of my own mannerisms. And there are some days where I just lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking how pathetic it is that I don’t have the guts to just talk to people. The only way I got through high school is by blending in with a group of people who I actually don’t really like that much.
I’m legitimately afraid about college, as I’m sure most incoming freshman are. It’s not that I’m sociophobic; I like being around people. I guess I’m afraid that people don’t like to be around me. But that’s not that bizarre. Who isn’t afraid of rejection at some point in their life. And yet, I feel like there’s something else holding me back. I’ve never straight up asked a girl to a dance, let alone a date. How am I supposed to get by socially in college if I can barely handle socializing in high school?
So what can I do to change this? Will I ever find that person who I can genuinely connect with? What is it about me that keeps me from making that connection? Is there a chance for me to find love if I can barely talk to my current friends? Am I going to end up alone for the rest of my life? These are the kinds of questions that I think about as I lay in bed at night.
But instead, I’m looking up concerts in the vicinity of the colleges that I applied to. Is it bad that the college’s concert scene is a big factor in my decision? Apparently, Ann Arbor sucks in terms of concerts, so I’d have to take a bus or the Amtrak to Detroit or something. Why is Muse playing in Auburn Hills, Michigan anyways? What does Auburn Hills have that Indianapolis doesn’t?
Of course WashU and Northwestern are pretty solid since they’re in/near the city. If I had applied to Vanderbilt as originally planned, I would have been set. Case Western in Cleveland’s alright. Wisconsin’s just a little better if not just as bad as Indianapolis.
I just looked to see if I could take the Amtrak from Ann Arbor to Toronto. Why does it make me go all the way around Lake Erie to Buffalo and then to Toronto? Why not just go to Detroit, then to Toronto? Is there some border safety thing I’m not getting? So dumb.